Saturday, January 17, 2004
Swiss roll
its a sunny day today in sydney, and it seems to be shining in (and reflecting off ) my head too, which is nice. I actually feel good, not ill, and not knackered today. maybe im finally over the jetlag. its amazing how long it screws you up for.
Had a great day out with chantal yesterday.
she seems to be getting jealous of me checking out other women. she even told me off about it, how would you feel if i was checking out other blokes she said. well, i replied, if you were my girlfriend, yeah, id be upset about it, as it is, you can do whatever you like!.... fair point she said....
she said theat the skirt was too short on this unbelievably cute oriental girl, which, yes it was, but it wasnt something that i was going to let worry myself unduly. in fact, i got over it almost immediately. i then tried a line from the simon cooper ignore them/irritate them until they like you school of women, by saying that she wouldnt get into that anyway....amazingly, she didnt attempt to attack me, which she does quite often. its like having your very own swiss kato. well, anyway, she'd been going on about blokes with 6 packs quite often. as the only 6 packs i ever own are invariably in the fridge, i felt like i could get my own back a bit.
signals?? i hope so.
in between a few beers and playing pool, and wandering around, we had a chat about what we were about, and the fact that she is going back to england in 4 months and she suspects i have strong feelings for her, and that i shouldnt have. well, i do fancy her, and yeah, i would love her to be my woman. but i told her not to worry about me, i havent the capacity to give anyone any proper strong feelings at the mo anyway. lets just enjoy the time we have for what it is. she seems happy with this.
we snogged.
it was great.
am seeing her tonight too. she finishes work in 30 mins.
this is good.
things are on the up.....
Busker
went out to circular quay the other night with clare on her last night before she went to narooma. we had a really nice evening, went for a nice meal, wondered around the harbour, watched the bridge all lit up and the opera house too with a glass of chardonnay on the harbourside. was lovely.
as we were walking around, various buskers were busking. the best one was definately this karioke guy.
he had managed to get hold of a copy of stairway to heaven without jimmy page singing on it, instrumental like. he was staggering around, looking like some sort of smack addict, randomly shaking some maraccas in time to god knows what drum banging in his head, cos it certainly wasnt anything to do with led zep. his act was to try and imitate jimmy, which is gonna be tricky for even the most talented vocalist, and he sure wasnt one of them. what came out was a series of seemingly random aahhs and the occasional correct lyric. we sat there and watched him for the whole song. even gave him a clap at the end. anybody with that much bollox deserves a round of applause
Friday, January 16, 2004
Down
Bit down at the moment, dont really know why. need to pick myself up.
dont know what to do about this swiss girl, we have a good time together, cuddle together, play pool, go swimming, spa, sauna. I dont want to risk this good thing, i dont know if she wants it to be any more. i could just ask i suppose. Easier said than done though. my confidence with women is so low at the moment. i could stay in sydney with her, her flatmates moving out at the end of the month, and get a job here and save some cash, if she agrees. Or i could bugger off up the coast.
im just a bit lost at the moment. dont really know what im doing or why im doing anything. everything seems jaded. i feel like i dont have any purpose at the mo. That didnt used to bother me, but it seems to be at the moment.
and its raining in sydney. i didnt think it was supposed to do that.
Cars and Girls
well, am looking for a vehicle at the moment. dont know whether to get a car (cheaper, not so much room, cheap fuel), a 4wd (can go anywhere, expensive, expensive fuel) or a camper (mid price, fuel economy not so good, cant go off road).
i guess i neeed to decide if its worth the extra cost in fuel to travel about against the ability to go off roading.
hmmmm......
well, i think what im gonna do is go up the east coast, and then head west over to darwin, broome then down to perth.
probably.
have met this really lovely swiss chick called chantal, and we've been hanging around together a fair bit.
In fact, met her before i came back to england. Not sure whats going on between us, but whatever it is i like it, and so does she. Its all very low key. We've both missed each other. Shes staying here in sydney. she has scored the most amazing appartment, right in the city centre. She has her own bathroom, a room mate who's never there, and the appartments have a swimming pool, spa and gym and squash court.
All for the princely sum of 120 dollars a week. which is 50 quid. not bad huh?
Clare
well, clare has bugged off to narooma to work for a bit someplace she worked before. Was sad to see her go. Take care babe and have happy travels. So, all the people i was travelling with before i came back to oz are now off someplace else, and i am left at a bit of a loose end until i buck myself up and meet some more people. This normally isnt a problem, but am feeling quite ill at the moment, have no energy and am also a bit down mentally. Need to pick myself up once more and get the hell onwards and upwards.
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Girls have gone
Well, i got back to the flat in bondi. I could smell myself in 15 different ways and i was just skanked out and didnt really know what the hell was going on. Noticed that Bobby, the Van, wasnt there....
I hadnt told them when i'd be back, but it turns out the girls have left a few hours ago in the van, and only clare remains in the flat. They left a message saying sorry but they had had to go cos they couldnt find work and hope to meet up later in cairns. This is not a problem, but leaves me without a plan for the moment.
So, here i am in sydney without a clue.......Darren and audrey (my mates who own the flat) have just come back from the uk yesterday, so the house is full of zombies at the moment, what with me and them.
Gotta go now.....more to write soon.....
Time crisis
Well, managed to get round and see a few people whilst i was back home, if i didnt see you, im sorry, but obviously time was short and seeing friends wasnt a priority. To all of you i did manage to see, thanks for making the time and it was great to see you all.
All in all it was an emotionally and physically knackering trip. Having seen so many people i either havent seen for ages or didnt expect to see for ages and going for beers with them all, having to say goodbye to everyone again, my system wasnt ready for going back to Oz. Add to that the fact that it had just got used to UK time, you can see why ive been lying on the sofa for the past 3 days since i got back. I hadnt even been out of the flat in all that time.
The first few days i was back i turned comletely nocturnal, ending day before yesterday where i didnt sleep at all from 10pm till 2pm yesterday.
I managed to sleep nearly all of yesterday and got up at 6am this morning, so im slowly getting back to the correct cycle. 6 am is a horrible time.
I dont normally do this but....
This email was sent ot me by bagsey, an old mate of mine. Everybodies probably seen it 50 times by now, but i thought it was so funny that i nearly shit myself and so im going to post it here. It also has some interesting parrallels.....
Dear Audrey:
I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I
swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in
me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.
In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I
guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot
of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about
looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us
does.
Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this
is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you
in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're
not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her
home with me. I don't say this to hurt you,but just to illustrate the
depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect
bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a
tortoise shell. Every man's dream,right? But as I sat on the couch being
blown by this stunner, I thought,look at the stuff we've made important
in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does
it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm
getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than
my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought
of that before.
I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'd
tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why
do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or
her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of
loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel
the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I
mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy
without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.
Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Pontins last year?
Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I
wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant
till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses
of wine
and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And
this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know
like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her
career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that
tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the
floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally
hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't
Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14
years, and we never used it as a sex aid."
Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on
her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.
She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general.
She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, She really is. So
we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this
teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is Think of how much she
looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And
then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to
thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how
that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how
even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I
can do is think of you?
It's true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could
start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can.
If you feel the same please please please let me know, otherwise, can you
let me know where the Sky remote control is.
John
New years eve
Well, I was so buggered from the flight on the 30th jan that i fell asleep on the sofa at about 2pm on new years eve with the tv on and got woken up by some moron playing the bagpipes.
There is no excuse for bagpipes even under exceptional circumstances (quite what theyd be im lost for words on.)
This is the worst way to be woken up ever (and thats official, kids).
To be woken up by them takes it to a completely different, and im searching for the right word here, dimension, astral plane, reality? whatever, you can see what i mean.
i mean, they just make this completely irritating buzzing noise. there is no place in a civilised society (though possibly in a syphilised one) for such a thing.
You may as well have a band consisting of 5 monkeys on Kazoos, your younger brother on recorder when he was 6 years old and had no concept of tune, tone or the ability to move his fingers properly, whilst simultaneously being accompanied by a cat with a tin whistle stuck up its arse and fronted by dick van dyke in mary poppins (I was recently forced to watch this, by women, i was told i had misconceptions about it and these bore through within seconds. i managed to put up with it for about 10 minutes. There is no excuse for such affrontary to the senses on that score either. if you went round london these days looking and singing like that you would have the shit kicked out of you within nanoseconds, and rightly so. incase you havent seen it, its SHITE, dont bother. i digress....)
get the picture? Anyway, it was so bad that instead of going back to sleep like i should have, i got out of bed, well, off the sofa, and went round to my mate adies house back in blighty, and got pissed till 5 am. Which is not a great thing to do when you are trying to get over a 30 hour flight and attempting to find your sense of timezone.
Anyways, it was a good party.
Grandad Jim
Well, so many things have happened since i got back to sydney from alice springs and the roadtrip, and its been something i havent wanted to write about, so have just been doing whats happened up till then.
I hope no-one in the familly who reads this now will take offence at me writing about it here, but it is something that i feel i need to write about now.
My grandfather died and i returned home for the funeral. It was obviously a very traumatic and sad time for all familly and friends, but the day itself was momentous and i know all who knew my grandad, jim, will share the same feelings of grief, pride, honour and love that i feel toward him and the way he was in his life, and the way he always will continue to be with us in all our hearts and minds.
To see so many relatives and people share that day with us was quite awesome. There were so many there from all over the place, texas, spain, switzerland, all parts of the UK, a lot of familly that i havent seen for years. We gave him a fantastic send off, no less than such a man deserves.
My thoughts are with all the rest of familly and friends, but especially to mum and nan. Love to you all.
There are so many details of the day that i could write about, it was truly a beutiful celebration of his life, but i dont think this is the place to do it, and even if it is,i dont want to just yet. Forgive me if the next post i make seems flippant or mundane in the face of such a thing, but im going to keep on blogging.
Rest easy gramps, onwards and upwards. We all miss you terribly.
